Humans are 100% emotional. Emotion is not what just happens to us, it is simply an integral part of our core essence. It is the motivation behind everything that we do, have or become. Emotion is necessary because we are highly relational by design.
We are creatures of relationships. And if we must thrive in our various relationships, we’ll have to master how to manage our emotions personally and relationally. The difference between those who excel with people and those who do not is the quality of their emotional intelligence.
Below are the top 10 qualities of emotionally intelligent people – these are what separate them from the rest others!
- They always recognise that “thoughts” are causes and emotions are “effects”. Highly insightful people understand that we live in a world strictly governed by the law of cause and effect, which says that “To every effect, there is a cause.” Therefore, they are fully aware that the thought that they permit to dominate their mind determines the emotions
that they produce within them. For this reason, they constantly take control of their thought patterns in order to ensure that the feelings that they produce are consistent with their goals and ideals. As such, they habitually screen out negative thinking and only allow positive thoughts to germinate in their psyche, producing the emotions that motivate, and not depress.
- They never put a fence down until they know why it was put up in the first place. Whether in a conversation with someone they know very well or someone they barely know, emotionally intelligent people never try to change or judge anybody or anything unless they fully understand why that thing or person is in that situation or state in the first place. Instead of trying to fix people’s problems before they hear them speak, emotionally intelligent people focus on understanding the emotions, motives and logic behind everything before they ever attempt to alter or improve it – if it’s ever necessary. They know that humans never do anything that is not motivated by emotions, whether positive or negative.
- They never solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution. Emotionally intelligent people always calibrate their reactions in proportion to the problem at hand. They do not over-react in the face of uncertainties. They never deploy permanent solution to solve a temporary crisis. Rather, they carefully consider their feelings and emotions before making any crucial decision. An example of solving a temporary problem with a permanent one is to tell a friend never to speak to you again because he misses your appointment. Another example is when someone kills himself because his girl friend walks away on him. Emotionally intelligent people are highly objective and hopeful people. They love life really well and always try to live it fully. This is why they are more likely to give life and people more chances than the average person.
- They always demonstrate intensified self-awareness. Emotionally intelligent people are constantly aware of their own feelings and emotions – what triggers each feeling that they experience. Also they are cognisant with how they react to different stimuli in different situations. Emotionally intelligent people are able to trace, identify, and modify any suspected defects in their attitude, as well as any hidden agenda behind any of their responses and behaviours. As a result of their heightened sense of awareness, they are able to self-correct, self-manage and regulate their emotions.
- They understand that real love is not emotions. How many times have people confused emotions for real love? People often mistake romantic emotional feelings for real love. This is what separates the emotionally intelligent people from the rest; recognising that real love is built only on commitment, and not on emotions. They are aware that emotions are unreliable chemical substances that are subject to change very frequently – sometimes every few minutes. As a result, when they choose to get into a relationship, they understand that relationships are full of ups and downs. And if they are to prove their love in that relationship, it will be down to their commitment, especially in hard times. They never let their emotions define their interpretation of love. This protects them from emotional bankruptcy that often leads to breakups. Even if they decide to walk away from any relationship, they do so because of sound knowledge, and not as a result of overwhelming emotions.
- They never make a major decision based on feelings. Emotionally intelligent people allow sufficient time to pass before they make a life-changing decision. When they are angry, upset, disappointed or broken, instead of making irrational decisions based on how they are feeling at the time, they self-regulate and exercise tremendous amount of self-control and personal power to refrain from saying or deciding on anything which they may later regret.
- They are willing to adequately process their bad feelings. Emotionally intelligent people recognise that the cause of several psychological and emotional disorders is repressed and unexpressed negative emotions. Therefore, they never bottle-in their bad feelings. When life or someone deals with them harshly, they accept that they are hurting and choose to do whatever it takes to ensure that they adequately process the root-cause of their hurts. They are not afraid to call for a dialogue or write a letter to resolve a dispute or even let people off their mental prison in forgiveness in order to free their own soul and sanity.
- They have the ability to delay gratifications. One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence and personal greatness is one’s ability to delay gratifications. Whether it is in the area of finances, relationships, health and diet, communication, sexuality, career, food, recreation, or any other important areas of life, emotionally intelligent people exercise great discipline not to allow immediate or short-lived pleasure to jeopardise their long-term goals and fulfilment. They invest today’s pain so that they can cash in on tomorrow’s pleasures. They work today and enjoy later. They never allow their distorted and selfish instant gratification and desire for things to ruin their systematic plans and investments for the future. For example, they never go all out spending the money they do not have, having been caught up in the emotions of the Christmas or other festive seasons. They cherish their long-term gains much more than short-term gratifications.
- They recognise that everyone they meet is hurting somewhere. Emotionally intelligent people are great listeners. They listen with their heart, not just with their ears. They connect from the heart with whoever they are talking to, constantly in search for any brokenness, hurt, stress, frustration, or anger in order to provide some healing. They recognise that everybody hurts somewhere. They also believe that every conversation is an opportunity to heal somebody of some sort of emotional wounds. Emotionally intelligent people are like a flowing stream that refreshes and replenishes everyone it comes in contact with as it flows through many villages and cities.
- They anticipate and prepare for disappointment before it becomes obvious. Emotionally intelligent people place a high value on people’s potential and possibilities. They know that people are the most valuable assets on earth. However, they intentionally lower how much they expect from people. Why? This is because they know that we are all fallible, capable of falling short on our promises and standards. To avoid being always disappointed and betrayed by others, they simply minimise their expectations. They love people but anticipate their potential flaws. They know that as long as we live, humans will continue to be humans. And as such, they contemplate the possibility of people falling short, making mistakes, disappoint. Since they are continually preparing for this in advance, they are never caught off-guard – even when those that they love dearly let them down. This kind of outlook about life, however, never make them negative at all. This is not pessimistic-mentality that leads to neurosis. Rather, it is pure emotional intelligence. They hope for the very best in every person and situation, but also emotionally smart enough to maturely prepare for the worst. This preserves their relationships and also frees up the other parties from the burdens of measuring up to unrealistic exceptional of perfection.
These are the highly valuable emotional qualities that separate the emotionally intelligent people from others.
P.S. If you enjoy this article, please do me a favour – share it and like it!
Thanks heaps and heaps!!!